Alright so earlier today I figured I’d break down the Leicester vs Arsenal match stats, but man I didn’t realize how messy this would get. Started by rewatching the full match replay while scribbling notes on a crumpled napkin – my cat knocked over the notepad again. Seriously need to buy heavier stationery.
The Absolute Chaos Begins
First tried remembering all those fancy stats they flash during broadcasts. Possession percentage? Easy. Then my brain froze trying to calculate expected goals from memory. Ended up pausing every five minutes to Google formulas like some amateur detective. Found three different calculation methods and just picked the one with least math.
Equipment fail moment:
- My laptop died right when Arsenal’s second goal replay loaded
- Had to dig through cables behind the TV stand
- Found a petrified cheese stick but zero AC adapters
Making Stat Choices Everyone Will Hate
Originally wanted ten stats but realized nobody cares about goalkeeper sock height statistics. Narrowed it down using my ultra-scientific method: which stats made me yell at the screen loudest. Like when Leicester had 78% possession but zero shots on target for 20 straight minutes. That nonsense deserves recognition.
Almost included “number of grass stains on Arteta’s coat” but figured only my dry cleaner would appreciate that. Settled on five stats after arguing with myself for forty minutes. The final list:
- That ridiculous possession-to-shots ratio
- How many times Arsenal’s left-back cleared balls into row Z
- The corner kick curse continues stats
- Substitute impact measurement (aka running more than walking)
- My personal favorite – fan outrage decibel levels whenever VAR checked anything
The Grand Finale Screwup
Typed everything while eating chili that definitely stained the keyboard. Proofread twice still posted with “Leiceter” in the title like an absolute clown. Immediately got three DMs pointing it out before I could edit. Moral of the story? Football stats are painful and chili ruins everything.
