Man, I never thought I’d spend nearly 48 hours of my life just watching old grainy football footage, but here we are. This whole thing started a couple of days ago when I was hanging out with a few mates online, just chatting about the golden age of center-forwards. You know how it goes. Someone brings up Haaland, someone else says Van Basten, and then I mentioned Hateley. The Lion. The sheer power of the guy.
One of the guys, a real young buck, started scoffing. Said Hateley was overrated, mostly just headers and penalties, “didn’t have the finesse.” That got my back up. That’s just insulting to a legend. I immediately told him he was dead wrong, and I wasn’t just going to argue; I was going to prove it. I told him I would dig up the definitive list of Mark Hateley’s best five strikes that showed pure technique, power, and audacity, not just the usual diving headers everyone remembers him for.
The Hunt for the Impossible Footage
My first step, obviously, was to search the hell out of the internet. That’s where the real trouble started. Hateley played in an era where video wasn’t standardized, especially outside of the UK. We’re talking AC Milan in the 80s, Rangers in the early 90s, Monaco before all the money. Trying to find high-resolution, full-angle footage of games from 1985 is like trying to find an honest politician—it doesn’t exist.
I spent the whole first evening just chasing down breadcrumbs. I started with the big video sharing sites, which was useless. All the compilation videos skip the build-up or zoom in so close you can’t see the trajectory. So I had to pivot my strategy. I moved onto obscure forums dedicated to old school Rangers fans and hardcore Serie A archivists. I had to learn new slang just to navigate those places. I was literally begging people to remember specific dates or opponents.
I finally managed to piece together a rough archive. It wasn’t perfect. Some files were in 240p, looked like they were recorded on a potato, and had commentary in five different languages mixed together. But I had enough material to start the actual analysis. I think I downloaded about four gigabytes of pure nostalgia and static.
Defining “Best Strike” – My Filtering Process
I realized quickly that just picking five random goals wouldn’t cut it. I needed rules. I grabbed my big notebook—yes, I still use a physical notebook for serious work—and defined the criteria:
- Difficulty Factor: Was it a simple tap-in or did it require a complex move, balance, or beat multiple defenders? (Rule 1: No simple tap-ins allowed.)
- Power/Precision: Did he hit it like a train, or did he place it perfectly out of the keeper’s reach? Preferably both.
- Context: While goals in massive games are great, I wanted to focus purely on the quality of the strike itself, regardless of whether it was the Cup Final winner or a random league goal.
I had about thirty candidates initially. I had to ruthlessly eliminate some famous goals that were technically easier than people remember. The struggle was real. I rewatched the candidates maybe five times each, pausing at the point of contact to check his body shape and how clean the shot was. I even went deep on a few goals that were later attributed as own goals just to confirm Hateley’s involvement. It was investigative work, honestly.
The biggest surprise was realizing how many screamers he scored outside of his famous Rangers run. You forget he was a world-class player who had to adapt to different styles of defense, particularly in Italy.
The Final Five Revealed: Pure Hateley Power
After all that digging, arguing with digital ghosts on old forums, and squinting at pixelated footage, I locked in the final five. These are the goals that show exactly why he was feared—the blend of thunderous power and unexpected agility.
Here are the five that made the cut. Every one of these took effort to track down, and they are worth seeking out.
Strike #5: The Volley vs. Fiorentina (AC Milan)
This one almost got discarded because the footage is so bad. But the sheer timing! A high ball came in, slightly behind him, and he twisted his body violently and struck a clean volley with his left foot. It screamed into the top corner. This proved he wasn’t just a right-footer; he had that quality everywhere.
Strike #4: The Long Range Rocket vs. St. Mirren (Rangers)
You see him receive the ball deep, maybe 30 yards out. He takes one touch, looks up, and just unleashes a missile. It dips and swerves. The keeper didn’t even move. This one is pure power, the ball was traveling so fast it looked like an animated blur on the video.
Strike #3: The Bicycle Kick Setup vs. Napoli (AC Milan)
Okay, this is technically a half-bicycle or a scissor-kick, but the acrobatics required were insane. He was facing away from goal, the defender was glued to his back, and he managed to fling his foot up and connect perfectly, sending it low and hard past the diving keeper. It showed a totally different side of his game.
Strike #2: The Jinking Run and Finish vs. Dundee United (Rangers)
This wasn’t just about the shot, it was the setup. He drove past two defenders, cutting inside the box, and just as everyone expected him to blast it, he used the outside of his boot to curl it around the final defender and into the far corner. Precision over power here, which is rare for him.
Strike #1: The Half-Volley Thunderstrike vs. Hibernian (Rangers)
This is it. The best strike. The ball came in high, he let it bounce once about 25 yards out, and he hit it with such ferocity that it was impossible for the keeper. The sound alone on the old audio track makes you wince. He connected with the laces perfectly. It was the absolute definition of a clean hit, a proper thunderbolt. This goal sealed the argument for me. No headers, no penalties. Pure striking class.
So yeah, I spent days proving a point to a kid online. But hey, now I’ve got this definitive list and I can rest easy knowing the Lion’s legacy is correctly represented. Next time someone doubts the old school guys, I’m ready. I had to wrestle the archives, but the resulting list was worth the squinting.
