Why we tried these positions against Barça
Honestly, I thought we were screwed before kickoff. Saw the lineup and nearly threw my scarf at the TV. Coaches love overthinking this stuff, you know? Anyway, here’s what we actually did.
First thing Monday, coaches handed us this crazy detailed formation sheet. Looked like spaghetti thrown at a wall. I scribbled notes in my practice journal:
- Fullbacks sit deeper than grandma at bingo
- Center mids chase Messi ghosts (even though he left years ago!)
- Wingers track back like dogs hearing “vet”
Tuesday drills felt awkward. Told my mate Juan our left-back looked more lost than tourist without Google Maps. We kept bumping into each other like supermarket carts. Coach blew his whistle every 30 seconds screaming “SHAPE! SHAPE!” My ears are still ringing.
Wednesday was worse. We practiced defending set pieces for two hours straight. Dude, my knees were screaming louder than our manager at VAR. Juan accidentally headed a cross into our own net twice. Coach turned purple like old eggplant. My practice journal entry just said: “Pray.”
Match day came. Actual game felt like fast-forward version of training chaos. Our defensive line was so deep I swear saw subway rats. 35th minute – they score while our right-back’s tying his shoelaces! Half-time locker room was quieter than library with sleeping guard.
Tried “controlled aggression” second half (coach’s fancy words for kicking them harder). We actually pressed like my grandma’s old jeans. Even nicked the ball near their box once! Then they countered and scored again. Lost 2-0. Post-match tacos tasted like defeat.
My takeaway? Sometimes you over-prepare until your brain leaks. That formation sheet belongs in fireplace. Next time? Tell coach we play street rules – no fancy diagrams, just fight. Maybe steal point or two.
(ps: Juan still owes me beer for those own goal practices)